"An Abusive Love" from Say the Word

Brynelle Blanton

An Abusive Love

             The love that captivated her became bitter and the darkness swarmed around as his hands began to overpower her. As she gasped for air, she began to grow weak and faint. Then as tears cascaded down her eyes like a wild fire blazing, they betrayed her. Slowly the light started to fade away from her vision, and she was unconscious. There was no thoughts, just scars from the deception from a love that she felt was worth the pain. There was no way out, she would perish and nobody would know that it was her lover. Then as she blinked her eyes awake from being in a state of bewilderment, he stood there over her weary body demanding her to rise up and pleasure him.

The inside of her body cringed, and she was left to do his every biding. She couldn’t understand how anybody could be this cruel. He was supposed to be her first real boyfriend, and her heart didn’t know that this wasn’t real love. Her innocence was stripped away. Blow-by –blow his eyes told the story of fury. As they froze solid to a point of isolation, they grew dark black mad with rage. And she knew then that the violence would be taken out onto her. She was bruised from the inside out.

Everything agitated him, if she was to have a simple conversation with anybody or even hang out with friends or family. She was constricted to only him; there was no outside life for her. She felt like being drowned in the sea with the waves that washed up on the shore. Screaming from the inside and bleeding from the outside, he was ten feet tall and nobody could bring him tumbling down. The abuse wasn’t the hardest part; it was the crawling back to her with lies like venom from a snake’s mouth. It consumed her and sucked her in, every time he said his apologies and then turned back into a demon beating her submersing her soul into the darkness. She was a ghost, only part of her was alive and the only thing that she wanted was that part to die along with the rest of her. The sheer thought of him coming home petrified her, because one moment he would be her knight and in the next a totally different guy. He took her life away. She became meager. The color that once flowed through her vibrant skin faded.

She couldn’t recognize the person that showed at the other side of the mirror. She was angry with herself. The reflection should have been hers. The belief of her ever getting away slowly faded in her mind and she was alone in pain. In a house that barricaded her inside, she was smothered by her own emotions. Any pain was better than whatever she felt inside.

As the dawn slipped away, the night grew closer and he crept into the back door. She prayed that he was in one of his good moods tonight, and she could just sleep peacefully, although the chance of that happening would have been slim to none. She tried to be brave and stand up to him, to hit him back. She fell short of that hope several times; he controlled her in every way.

After dinner they laid down for bed, there she was in a bed with evil. To her the bed was made of bricks and hot coals. The comfort that was inside slipped away, and the bed became tainted. He restricted her from turning away from him while they slept together; soon he demanded sex from her. She refused him; then things went violent. His eyes glimmered and instantly she wished that she didn’t say no!

A hand smacked across my face, and she froze there pouring out, crying, begging him to stop. His, hands clasped around my throat, and she was being punched in her stomach. The abuse kept coming and it wasn’t ending. Until finally she said the word’s that he wanted to hear that (she was sorry, and that she loved him). It was a lie, she didn’t even know if she loved him. All that she knew was that it had been enough, and she had to find a way out on her own. If nobody else could help she would help herself, so the next day she used her best acting skills pretending as if she loved him.

He had left early in the morning and wasn’t due to return until the afternoon, so she packed her possessions and called the only person that he didn’t know. Tears poured out of her eyes pleading to the other person on the opposite end of the phone line. She begged for them to come and pick her up, before he would return home. It was complicated. Everyone was afraid of her lover and didn’t want to get into her mess. But, she assured the person that they wouldn’t be harmed and with that said they picked her up and she left and changed her life, for the better never to turn around. For her leaving was the hardest thing that she had ever done in her life. Many times her mind played games on her allowing her to believe that he would find her. So, for months she stayed inside of the house scared by her own fear.

Then her friend took her outside and repaired the pain that seeped inside of her heart taking it away as though they were her guardian angel. She became repaired and empowered by her experience. Never would she judge or criticize anybody for anything, knowing how it felt finally to be on the other side of pain. She came out to of this abuse with an open mind to empower other women, and say that she understands the fake smiles, and the emotions hidden beneath.

But, there is more to life than what you can believe! And, if leaving seems impossible just doing it makes you a stronger person. You’ll breath happier, and don’t put a wedge between your heart and love. Just be smart to notice the difference, and leave when you feel it’s not right. I did! And I found real love. I am finally free and I can let my soul breathe. I found my true soul mate and I hope that every woman will do the same. You’re never alone in your pain. Just like myself, there are others out there and we can all stand together.